Ultimate proof civilization is coming to an end soon

My book is going to be reprinted, and it hasn't even been two months since its official launch.

23:57

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Destroying a sandwich

'Campina Butter Gold spreads straight from the fridge.'

Sure. If you preheat the knife with a welding torch.

(Thank God there was still some cat food in the cupboard.)

18:39

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Order it while supplies last

No nerd can do without a DVD rewinder!

21:06

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Shameless

The Dutch frown upon outpourings of emotion. (Except of course when it concerns the national soccer team.) Unlike in the USA or the UK, a book can only be literature if it is either dark, or cynical, or both. The guy who is considered to be the pinacle of Dutch written artistry just had a book published about a guy named Xavier who tries to become the long-awaited Jewish Messiah. Xavier does this by translating Mein Kampf into Jiddish.

You probably feel where this is heading.

We tend not to like exuberance either, which is probably why we tolerate the usage of MDMA and other drugs: it gives us an excuse to do outrageous stuff like hugging one another. (This also explains a lot about English drinking behaviour, but let's not get side-tracked.)

How then is it possible that over 5 million Dutch watched the televised memorial service for folk singer André Hazes, someone who made a living writing extremely sentimental songs about delivering letters to his deceased mum in heaven (using a kite, no less!), and celebrating Christmas on his own. Yesterday night they managed to fill an entire stadium with mourners. Not a small one either, the ArenA can hold about 50,000 people.

Like every Dutchman, I've jelled along once or twice when one of Hazes' songs was played in a pub. That's about as far as my appreciation for his music goes. There was a bit more to him though, which can probably best be summarized as sincerity. Hazes didn't act. He didn't just sing desperate songs, he felt desperate most of the time, which probably explains the gallons of lager he gulped down on a daily basis. Apparently, sincerity makes shamelessness bearable even for the Dutch.

It is by far preferable to religious heroes translating Third Reich literature.

22:20

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Look mom, without hands!

We (that is, me and Tonie) actually went a bit faster than this, but it's kind of hard, not to mention rather dangerous, to steer and take pictures at the same time whilst driving at this speed. Tonie will probably have more pics.

Oh, and by the way, this may not be legal in the Netherlands, but it is in Germany, where we did this. (And I did use my hands, which probably explains why I'm still here to blog.)

Update: proof that (a) I did indeed use my hands (well, at least one of them is visible), and (b) we did go faster than the first picture shows. Thanks to Tonie for the picture.

19:46

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One more reason to vote against the EU Constitution

Like I needed anymore. Apart from the text consisting chiefly of bureaucratic drivel, now there's the issue of Greece having bamboozled itself into the Economic and Monetary Union, the EU club for countries allowed to use the euro. Never mind that France and Germany are also flouting EMU rules all the time, albeit after joining, rather than before.

If one country votes against the EU Constitution, it's legally dead. I can't think of another way to protest against this highly undemocratic institution.

9:10

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Novak and Luttwak

Robert Novak, the conservative bloke who outed Valerie Plame as a CIA operative, wrote a column in the Chicago Sun-Times predicting a quick exit from Iraq during the (very likely) second term of George W. Bush. Since Novak is a partisan hack with Republican sympathies, this initially got me confused.
Until I remembered a recent article by notable strategist Edward Luttwak, who suggested that the USA should feign withdrawal in order to scare the Iraqi Shi'a into cooperation.
I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

22:15

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New love

There are worse things than owning an Acer laptop, but none of those exist in this space-time continuum.
Fortunately, their complaints department is a whole lot more efficient than their products, and they decided to give me my money back, after nearly one year of having to send back my laptop continuously.
I bought an IBM Thinkpad T42 instead, which arrived two days ago.
In case you were looking for an explanation for the intermittent blogging, this is it.

22:05

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Anybody want to meet a really pissed off cat with foam coming out of his mouth?

Visit me somewhere in the wee early morning hours. At that time, my recently neutered cat gets his antibiotics. I think he would prefer the electric chair, but unfortunately, this being the Netherlands, the government won't allow me to have one of those. (Also, lots of current probably won't rid him of his bacteria, since microbes seem to fester in cadavers.)

I really should get out more.

21:16

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We do not break away from combat

Although perhaps I should have, considering the bruises covering both my arms and both my hands. (Nah, it's fine. Really.) We got some decent exercise yesterday night, with sifu Martijn giving us a very hard time during the warming-up exercises. This of course had nothing do with the fact that, due to a nearly fatal car crash, he is majorly pissed off that he can't do proper workouts like the rest of us. Remember: if you notice my T-shirt is starting to fit a bit too snugly, it's muscles, not beer.

21:13

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Coming soon to a DNS server near you

Karmic Street Justice, a new entry point for this website. It sort of counterbalances the Dutch name, which I think is ironic. Or paradoxical. Or just really stupid. Whatever.

11:37

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CBS and Dutch PBS: two reasons why they're alike

Both of them:
• Fail when it comes to doing their jobs. One of them doesn't seem able to vet its own stories, the other one is unable to properly report them.
• Sincerely seem to believe they alone know how to do journalism properly. Note how condescending CBS has behaved towards bloggers. Dutch PBS emphasized the cabinet's condemnation of the leaked government budget for 2005, rather than the contents of said budget, which would seem to be much more important to their viewers. A division of Dutch PBS managed to cook up this article, which shows either gross ineptitude, or arrogance. Either way, it's rather odd to report on government 'outrage' on leaked documents without offering a secondary perspective - from the journalists of commercial broadcaster RTL for example - and at the same time mention that the leaked documents contained hardly any new information. Either the government is right in being outraged (but why if there's no new information?), of the government isn't (but then there's probably a reason for that, which isn't adequately explored).

16:35

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Soft Egg goes English, or: a Dutch journalist's attempt to improve his proficiency in written English

The caption above will be the first and last example of so-called 'MAVO-Engels' you will see on this website. Well, hopefully. For our American readers - hi Kelly! - MAVO-Engels is sort of comparable to having a SAT verbal score below 300. In other words, it really sucks.

Henceforth, Zacht Ei will be in English.

There, I said it. (Still working on an English URL.)

As with many great ideas, this one wasn't mine. (This of course has the added advantage of me being able to backtrack on my decision whenever I feel like it and subsequently blame someone else.)

Anyway. What prompted this change into English was an email I received yesterday, inviting me to contribute to an American website. To keep levels of suspense at a desired high, I will not disclose which site.

It made me realize two things.

First, I'd really like to be published in English.

Second, I am not nearly as experienced in writing English articles as I'd like to be. There are probably loads of rough and slightly softer edges that need polishing, and I definitely could use the confidence that stems from more experience. The last time I actually wrote a substantial article in English was in 1997, during a four month stint in Dublin. Writing a blog in English will provide that experience.

Problem is, I can't do this alone, and hiring a professional native speaker to be a 'virtual editor' would be insanely expensive, whilst not necessarily providing me with the feedback I need. The cat would starve and I would finally lose that weight I've always wanted to get rid off, until the time came that I would be forced to eat the cat.

Therefore, I'd like to invite all native speakers, preferably those with experience in journalism, to comment on style and grammar. Be merciless if you like - that's what an American or British editor would be.

One caveat: when I say native speakers, I really do mean native speakers. Dutch folks are strong headed and tend to overestimate their own capacities (I myself being a fine specimen). I have no desire whatsoever to get into endless debates with people who know as little as I do when it comes to proper English writing. If that sounds harsh, well yes, I guess it is.

This website isn't called Soft Egg for no reason, you know.

10:16

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Modern times

Mijn Speakers Academy-biografie was sinds het verschijnen van het Handboek Internetresearch toch al aan revisie toe, en vandaar dat ik hem gelijk maar heb aangepast aan het Gijs Wanders-tijdperk. De laatste zin luidt namelijk... Ach, leest u zelf maar.
Nieuw beleid is dit overigens niet, in maart van dit jaar kreeg ik al de kans te laten zien hoeveel roomser dan Karl Wojtyla ik wel niet ben.

12:58

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Nog wat gemerkt van die fijne aardbeving?

Blijkbaar hadden we er eentje, afgelopen week. (Wat je al niet tegenkomt als je op zoek bent naar seismologische gegevens over Noord-Korea, waar een paddestoelvormige wolk is gesignaleerd. Kan een sigaar van Kim Jong Il zijn geweest, of een andere grote niet-nucleaire fik.)

16:10

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Handboek Internetresearch in NRC Handelsblad

'Arjan Dasselaar schreef een nuttig doe-boek dat problemen kan oplossen waarvan een beginnend onderzoeker niet eens wist dat hij die had,' schrijft Arlen Poort in NRC Handelsblad van vrijdag 10 september. Wilt u er dus een hoop problemen bijhebben, koop dan mijn boek.

13:14

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Van Aamoth tot Zukelman

Mijn verzoeknummer voor vandaag.

14:46

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Maar wat betekent dit onderzoek voor webloggers?

Als een offline dagboek al ongezond is, dan zal het niet veel beter gesteld zijn met degenen die zich online aan emotionele zelfbevlekking bezondigen. (Oorzaak en gevolg ontwarren blijft overigens lastig. Het kan immers ook zo zijn dat mensen die aan een dagboek of weblog beginnen, om te beginnen al niet zo fris waren.)

17:09

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Meuh

Hebt u ook wel eens zo'n dag?

More...

16:58

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Team America - World Police

Ik kan haast niet wachten totdat deze film in de bioscoop terechtkomt. (Van de makers van South Park.)

9:03

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Welkom, bezoekers van www.internetresearch.nl

U bent het slachtoffer geworden van een redirect.

In deze sectie van het weblog Zacht Ei houdt de auteur bij in welke media aandacht is besteed aan het Handboek Internetresearch.

De officiële pagina van uitgeverij Van Duuren Media staat hier. De inhoudsopgave treft u hier aan, en door hier te klikken, kunt u een voorbeeldhoofdstuk lezen.

Bent u Zacht Ei-bezoeker die geen idee heeft waar dit logje op slaat, dan vindt u wellicht verpozing bij deze fijne prijsvraag. (U kunt er een navigatiesysteem mee winnen.)

Of anders wel bij deze megaopenhaardkoor animatie.

9:00

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Handboek Internetresearch in vakblad De Journalist

Collega Herbert Blankesteijn bespreekt het Handboek Internetresearch: 'Wie altijd zoekt met Google, en dat doet door één term per keer in te voeren, moet dit boek kopen en zal de aanschafprijs er snel uit hebben door tijdwinst en vermeden ergernis.'

8:54

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Handboek Internetresearch 'belangwekkend'

Vindt althans Paul Houkes in de Haagsche Courant. Wie op de link naar de website Infomine in het artikel klikt, zal overigens merken dat deze verkeerd is overgenomen uit het boek: de letters 'www' horen er niet voor. Dit is de juiste versie.

8:52

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Handboek Internetresearch in De Jonge Journalist

Het Handboek Internetresearch kan ook de waardering verdragen van De Jonge Journalist: 'Moeiteloos wordt er langs zaken als RSS, booleaanse zoekmethodes, spiders en crawlers, metazoekmachines en paaseierenregels gesurfd. Moeilijk is het wel, maar onoverzichtelijk wordt het nooit.'

8:37

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Wezels

Ach, waar is de tijd gebleven dat nerds elkaar nog vermaakten met grappige, of grappig bedoelde, digitale handtekeningen onder hun e-mail? Zoals deze, onder een mailtje van Volkskrant-journalist Peter van Ammelrooy: 'Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.'

15:52

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Handboek Internetresearch in de Volkskrant

U vindt het artikel hier, al is het stuk helaas niet gratis te lezen.

12:56

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'Graag naar de 8.947.500ste verdieping'

Tussentijds uitstappen kan helaas niet in de ruimtelift, ooit een nogal vergezocht idee, nu het onderwerp van een heuse stimuleringswedstrijd naar analogie van de X Prize, een club die ervoor gezorgd heeft dat de eerste mens in een commercieel ruimtevaartuig de ruimte bereikte.

(Aantal verdiepingen gebaseerd op een gemiddelde ruimte van 4 meter per verdieping en het omhoogtakelen naar geostationaire hoogte, zulks voor de nerds onder u.)

21:02

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Zacht Ei gaat graag even bij RVS langs

Die vreselijke RVS-reclames schreeuwen gewoon om een weerwoord. Van het moment dat adviseur Ger een oud dametje voor laat gaan tot het autoshot waarin Ger heel erg braaf een net iets te duidelijk zichtbare gordel draagt: ik koop nog liever een cd van de m/v die de begeleidende irritante reclamepingel heeft geschreven, dan dat ik ooit nog een verzekering bij RVS afsluit. Daarom gezocht: een kale kerel met een foute glimlach voor het maken van een parodie, die uiteraard op dit weblog zal worden getoond. Serieuze reacties naar dit mailadres. Tijdens de opnames zullen geen oude dametjes gewond raken door plotseling dichtwaaiende deuren. Promise.

22:24

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